Thursday, February 28, 2008


As like everybody else in this world, I am well aware that I have fears in my life. But recently, I have been pondering about it and realized that among all those fears that I have, be it mentally or physically, one thing that I am most afraid of is

the fear of losing my dear parents...

No, they are not at their deathbeds now or whatsoever(touch wood), but they do have some health complications now and then as they are getting older. I know I shouldn't be thinking about all this now because they're still fine. But I can't shake off that thought of losing them eventually someday. At the moment, I just don't know if I could face it when the time comes. Just thinking about it can bring tears to my eyes.

They are getting so vulnerable in my eyes now..

My mom is diabetic and having high-blood pressure.
Diabetes - the one thing that I don't want either of my parents to have.

As for my dad, he's been having trouble with his heart and already taking medications. Plus, I don't know how his lungs are now due to years of tar built-up. Honestly, I don't really want to know because I have a feeling that it's not going to be good. How I wish he could restrain himself completely from those ever-so-addicting tobacco sticks. There are more to his health complications, which I don't have the heart to think and list them all out here.

It hurts me whenever I see my parents make a visit at the doctor, because I know that every time that they do, it means that they're not feeling well and there's certainly something wrong with their health. Sometimes, I'd rather not ask what the problem is as I'd like to keep the thought that I have had since I was small that my parents are invincible, that they're going to live forever with us and we will all live and die happily together, and no one would ever get left behind. But harsh reality always has its way to slap you in the face. I accept the fact that every one of us will live and die at the end of the day, but I can't bring myself to think to lose those who I hold dear in my heart.

Well, I just have to learn how to accept, and I don't know whether I could do that just yet, but I am learning and I hope what I learned will prepare me for the time that I would never dream of preparing.

In the meantime, the only thing I can do is to make them proud and happy..

love you mom and dad..

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