Just when I feel like falling and putting my walls down, I'd feel insecure and would put those walls up again. I'm not brave enough to let anything go through it and see my vulnerability. I think I have issue in trusting and that might just be because I don't trust myself enough to let that happen... or maybe I'm just scared to get hurt and look like a fool.
Or I'm just the fool who's only fooling alone on the other side.
I'm just afraid that that may be the case I am in now..
Thus, my walls are up again
and I'm trying hard not to fall easily over that "little thing" we hear about constantly.
It's kind of hard but it's hard for me to mellow down once I've started to toughen up. But, I hope when I do make myself vulnerable, I hope it's not in vain and it's for the right person. I'm not hoping anything permanent from it but as long as it feels right, I wouldn't mind any bit. Just go with the flow and enjoy it.
But, that time hasn't come yet..
In the meantime though, I have to be wise.
Don't be silly and be clouded by surreal fantasies and infatuations..
Don't confuse those with the real thing.
Things that are too good and sweet to be true are the ones that need to be avoided for nothing is as real as the truth, which is usually not so pleasant and not what we expected and how we want it to be, but that is exactly what we have to look at and try to accept and then only you will learn to know and feel the real thing.
God, help me to be wise. I lack experience in this type of thing. I need guidance...
till then, still confused and hope it will become clearer in times to come..